first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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