Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
