My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
