i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
