I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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