she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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