Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
