i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
