i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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