Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
