last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't EVER smell your tampon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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