i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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