Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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