I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
