I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
