I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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