We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
