I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
