dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
