I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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