This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
