you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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