the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize