My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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