I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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