considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
