she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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