I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
