he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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