she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
