not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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