you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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