walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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