you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
