final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize