the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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