She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
