I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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