I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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