So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want nice things and good sex
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.