do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.