this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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