i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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