Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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