he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
