Hey man sorry I got all grabby
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
