ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
