I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize