I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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