I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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