I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
