OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
