Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
