two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
