2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
