im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
