Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Come see our sink grown plant.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
