More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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