Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
