I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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